Nine Lessons of a Broken Toe

Enough about thinking and growing and communicating. Some of you are probably wondering… isn’t this supposed to be a blog about running?  But since I haven’t been running lately, I haven’t felt much like writing about running either. For the record, it’s been 55 days since my last run (four miles on January 19th) and I’m starting to get just a wee bit cranky. OK… a lot cranky. A fact which has been pointed out to me by at least a couple of my friends.

A quick recap:  On September 7th I broke my toe.  On September 9th, I ran the Chicago Half Marathon. Or I should say I limped-walked-ran it, but made it to the finish line and collected my medal. Then there were a couple of months of recovery and exercise walking until the doc gave me the thumbs up to start running again. Then there was a calf strain around Christmas that plagued me for a few weeks until I went back to the doc and she x-rayed the toe again and told me that it had never healed properly.

Fast forward to last week when I had foot surgery in which the toe was re-broken and set. And now here I sit on the couch with my foot elevated and bandaged, contemplating another couple of months of not running. Hopefully there will be some walking sooner than that because not exercising at all over the past week has been tough.

This is the longest time that I’ve gone without running since I started five years ago.  And so with some time to think, I’ve tried to dig deep for some lessons – both serious and humorous:

1)  Perhaps most obviously, it’s probably not a good idea to run 13.1 miles with a freshly broken toe.  You can find more on this topic here.

2) Don’t sign up for races too far in advance, I’ve had to scratch several races this fall and winter including two 5Ks and another half marathon.  I hated losing the money as much as not running.

3) Take it slow when starting back from an injury. You knew that. But I mean even slower than you thought. I have no doubt that the calf strain was an overuse injury caused by weakness in my injured foot. It happened the first day that I tried running fast. Ouch. When I next return to running, I think I am going to do Couch to 5K again.

4) Appreciate your runs. All of them. You never know when one might be your last. How many times do we come home annoyed at the crappy runs? But you ran! Celebrate!

5) If you have to take several months off and you live in New England, the winter is probably not a bad time to do it.

6) All those running emails start to get damn annoying when you’re not running.  Marathon Sports, Active, Rock and Roll, and more… I never realized how much running email I got until I didn’t want to see it.

7) Speaking of annoying… all those runners out on the road. Grrr… Envious?  Me? Yup.

8)  Adapt. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, elliptical or bike. If you can’t do either of those (that would be me right now) use the opportunity to do some upper body work… and stretching. You can almost always do something.

9) When all else fails, remember that a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch contains 40% of the RDA of bone-healing calcium!

Stitches come out next week. I’m on the road to recovery. I hope!

Guest Musings

This week I thought I’d take a break from writing and just offer up a few quotes and snips  that I’ve gathered in the past few weeks that have gotten me thinking:

“At times you have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you’ll discover will be wonderful.  What you’ll discover is yourself.”   -Alan Alda

“To be sincerely loyal to yourself is to allow yourself the freedom to grow, change and challenge who you are and what you think at any given moment in time.  The only thing you ever are for sure is unsure, and this means you’re growing, and not stagnant or imprisoned by old ways of thinking.” – Marc and Angel Hack Life

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.  And as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Nelson Mandela

“I doesn’t take as much as we think to step outside our comfort zone, it only takes a willingness.” – Mike Robbins

“Perfection, as it’s revered and pursued in our culture, is an unhealthy lie. A myth. A human construct. A marketing concept. In many cases, it’s a story told by people who want to manipulate your mindset and behavior to buy what they’re selling. And while it means different things to different people, the pursuit of it rarely leads to anything more positive than anxiety, insecurity, self-doubt and misery.” – Craig Harper

Do any of these resonate with you?   How so?

A Failure to Communicate

“The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

– George Bernard Shaw

For some cosmic coincidence, communication issues have been the dominant theme at work recently.  It’s been a good reminder that communication is not necessary what is said, but what is actually heard.   I’ve noticed a few common categories of communication challenges lately:

• Things that should have been said but weren’t — a complete failure to tell someone who should have known about something.  They forgot… they didn’t realize… they assumed someone knew.  But for whatever reason, they didn’t speak up.
• Things that were unknowingly said to the wrong person and never communicated to the right person — In these cases, the communication about the issue occurred, but never reached the most appropriate recipient, who remained completely ignorant about the issue.
• Things that were actually said but not fully heard by the recipient, or not said firmly enough to make an impression — in these situations the information was shared, but the communication wasn’t completely effective.

The details aren’t important, but the end result in all of these cases was the same. Someone who thought they should have known about something didn’t.  And in each case, that “someone” thought they had been wronged or aggrieved — and perhaps disrespected — in the failure to communicate.

I think there are lessons on both sides —

1. Make sure your message has actually reached the right recipient.  If you’re not sure, seek confirmation.  “Is there anyone else that needs to know about this?” or “I just wanted to make sure you got my email…”

2. Make sure you’re being clear.  Sometimes when we’re in uncomfortable message territory or fearful of conflict we may “soften” our messages, and the result is that we aren’t clear about what we’re saying.  When in doubt, check for understanding with the recipient! “I just want to make sure that you understand that you need to be at work by 9 am everyday unless you’ve let me know in advance…”

3. Assume good intent.  You didn’t know about something that you should have known about?  Perhaps there’s a logical explanation for what happened.   Don’t assume that you have the full story until you’ve taken the time to talk it through.  Be curious not judgmental.

We’re all in the communication business.  I’m always struck by how two people can see or hear the same thing and have completely different impressions of what has just happened.  That’s because we all filter our day-to-day experiences through different lenses.   Don’t let your filters create communication illusions!

Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Worrying. Ruminating. Cogitating. Analyzing. Considering. Mulling. Noodling. Pondering. Reflecting. Scrutinizing. Contemplating. Deliberating. Speculating. Wow… we’ve thought up a lot of words for thinking!

Those of who are thinkers tend to pride ourselves on that trait. We look at things from all sides before acting.  We’re careful and thoughtful. Our thinking serves us well… we think. But thinking can easily cross the line into overthinking, especially when it comes to relationships with family, friends and colleagues.

I’m aware of my tendency toward overthinking and my ability to create problems that weren’t there in the first place. I can fill in the white space of silence with a complex story of my own imagining, when the reality is often far more simple or just plain different from what my brain invented. That’s because my story comes from my own perspective on how the facts of a given situation fit together.

I can see this so clearly with people who I am coaching. They invent explanations for behavior that fit their perception of reality. They believe that others have intentionally disrespected them, undermined them, or are purposefully testing boundaries. And they have completely and utterly persuaded themselves of the certainty of their rightness through a series of conversations that have occurred completely in their heads.

Sometimes insight can be found by stepping into a different perspective on a given situation. Simply asking “could there be another explanation that is consistent with the facts that might be true here?” or “why would a reasonable and rational person do what this person is doing?” can bring about a change in our conclusions and can begin to transform a challenging relationship. Even better is when we can have the courage to get out of our own all-knowing heads and have an honest conversation about the situation with the person that is driving us crazy. By inviting them to tell their story from their perspective, we may discover new truths about ourselves.

Next time you find yourself overthinking and lost in wondering about the past or the future —  “why did that happen?” or “what does it mean?” — try to let go of speculation and pull yourself into the present. What will you do today to let go of your stinkin’ thinkin’ and have the courage to step into a different perspective?

A Force… Of Nature

With a winter storm bearing down on the Northeast yesterday, I walked into the gym and it was overflowing with people, with every treadmill taken, and it stayed that way all morning – and up until the early storm closing at 1 pm. Seeing all those folks there got me thinking about the difference between motivation and commitment.

Those at the gym were the committed… the people who took time out of preparing for the storm to make sure they got their workouts in – knowing that it was unlikely that they would be able to get to the gym on Saturday during the blizzard. They had planned ahead, making themselves and their workouts a priority, even as the snow began to fall outside.

So often I hear people say “I’m just not motivated enough to get in shape or lose weight [or change whatever habits they’d like to change].” But it’s not really about motivation. Motivation is what happens when you see that picture of yourself looking unacceptable. Or when you realize that “enough is enough” and something needs to change. Motivation happens in the moment. Motivation is that resolution that you set on January 1st, pledging that this will be the year of the “new you.” Motivation is exciting – it gets you started, but it won’t get you the finish line.

That’s because motivation is transient. One day you wake up and you just don’t FEEL motivated anymore. Maybe you’re tired, or you’re stressed, or you feel crappy, or sorry for yourself. Your motivation needle drops to zero and before you know it, you’re back to your old ways. Not exercising. Digging into the freezer for that pint of Ben and Jerry’s. And probably feeling miserable about yourself for “just not being motivated enough to reach your goal.” Again. Damn. And the cycle repeats.

In those dark moments when motivation fails you, what you really NEED to summon is your commitment. Commitment is a powerful force that takes a stand for you and your priorities today, tomorrow, and the next day. Commitment is rooted in the why behind what you wanted to change. To be healthy, to be fit, to be happy, to start that business. It’s hard to put yourself and your priorities first. Somewhere along the way so many of us get taught that it’s “selfish” to put yourself first. But if we don’t take care of ourselves we can’t truly care for others.

Commitment is focus. It means putting yourself at the top of your to do list, blocking out time in your schedule for your workout, and saying no to people who will sabotage your efforts. Commitment is a mindset that you have a new and healthier habit now.

Motivation happens in the moment. Commitment happens everyday.

Live your commitment.

Address Tomorrow’s Problems Today

Recently a friend (let’s call him George) shared a story with me that says a lot about who he is as a person, but is also a great reminder about the role of leaders.

George shared that as he went about his day-to-day work he made an effort to actively scan his environment — looking for potential issues and solving them before they turned into something more, flattening molehills before they became mountains,  in essence identifying and addressing tomorrow’s problems today  — and before they could rise up tomorrow and bite him on the arse.  He was struck by the fact that not everyone works this way.  George remarked that a colleague patted himself on the back for reacting and responding to complaints in a timely manner, whereas George’s approach was to obviate the need for a complaint in the first place.

It got me thinking about good managers and leaders and the role that we play in our organizations and with our staff.   Are we doing enough to anticipate the trends that will change our workplaces? Our products and services?  Are we scanning the horizon or letting ourselves get buried by the crisis du jour. And importantly, are we making enough of an effort to monitor and anticipate the needs of our staff — for growth, professional development, and advancement?   Because we can act decisively when issues come up, but how much better to anticipate these needs and address them before they even need to get raised.

I need to remember this when I’m tempted to keep my head down and focus on the work that’s right in front of me in a given moment.  Because there’s a lot happening out there on the horizon that could benefit from attention today.

How about you?  Any tips for staying focused on tomorrow’s needs today?

Three Words for 2013, Part Two

Recently I blogged about the three words I’ve chosen for 2013.  Today, a little more about the WHY behind those words…

One of my three words for is possibility. That’s because this year feels just brimming with possibility – new opportunities, new learning and new things to explore. A new leader at work, my new business, my upcoming leadership program, new friends, new colleagues, and new goals. I’m trying to step up to something bigger – and outside my comfort zone, maybe something I’ve not yet even discovered. Evolution is a long slow process, but it feels like there’s a big shift just over the horizon as I evolve and let go of old things that aren’t working and embrace the new. Though my coaching, I’m also helping others test the limits of what is possible for them – running a first marathon or racing for the first time. And that is incredibly cool to watch.

Another is courage. For me, that’s a combination of several things, including being willing to take more risk and allow myself to be more vulnerable. My default is to think things through in detail and proceed carefully and cautiously so as to maximize the chances that I will succeed. In 2013, I’m trying to let that go a little. To trust in a way that lets me forge deeper connections with people. To have the courage to listen to my heart and not my head – go with my instincts and see where that will take me. To embrace mistakes and the risk of failure and hope that in doing so, I might exceed my own expectations. And at worst, things will be ok. Courage is here too because 2013 will require me to navigate a high ropes course. And I don’t even like ladders!

And my third word is play. Just because sometimes I need to quit being so damn serious and logical about everything.

Photo by Greg

A Moment in the Sun

There are days when my running playlist inspires a blog and this was one of them.

It was a dreary day and hard to be out there and then John Fogerty’s song “Centerfield” came on. For a few minutes, the virtual sun came out, the snow melted and I was sprinting down the road — at least in my head.  I especially love that song this time of the year because it reminds me that the baseball season is just around the corner. Spring training is a little over a month away.  There’s the excitement… the new players to be assessed… the promise… the hope… Opening day… the crack of the bat and the cheers from the stands… it just doesn’t get old!

“We’re born again, there’s new grass on the field… Look at me, I can be centerfield…”

But that’s only part of the reason I love this song, and this blog isn’t really about baseball. I love the metaphors in this song.  For me, the lyrics are about hope, starting over, facing every day as a new day and being ready to shine.

“A moment in the sun…”

So many of my friends that have lost weight and taken up running have had positive changes in their lives that they attribute directly to their success at weight loss.   My friend Tiff got promoted and is just glowing from the self-confidence that she’s gained professionally and as a runner.  CJ has been featured in her local newspaper and is giving talks on weight loss using social media.  Melissa ran a marathon and has taken up a new career in art and writing. And there are so many more.  We’re all having “moments in the sun” that for many have been a long time in coming.  We’ve “spent our time in the Mudville Nine, watching it from the bench.”  And now here we are enjoying our own time in “centerfield” and loving the fun and new adventures that we’ve brought into our own lives.

Let’s give this game a ride… Because as Fogerty sings:  “You know the time is now.”

 

My 3 Words for 2013

In his blog, Chris Brogan challenges readers to come up with 3 words for the New Year — words that will define your values and experiences in the coming year —  your bigger story.  I’ve been noodling on this a bit this week and have finally settled on my 3 words.  I’ll be blogging more about why I’ve chosen these and what they mean for me in the coming year, but for today, here they are:

• Courage
• Possibility
• Play

The first two came easily, but I spent some time on the last one which duked it out for for a couple of days with Worthiness.   Since one of my goals in the coming year is to do a better job listening to my instincts rather than over thinking things, I went with my gut on this one.  So Play it is.

How about you?  What are YOUR three words for 2013?

Inspiration for 2013

A few quotes to start off the year from C. Joybell C.

“Don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.” 

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” 

 

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow.

The only way that we can grow is if we change.

The only way that we can change is if we learn.

The only way we can learn is if we are exposed.

And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open.

Do it. Throw yourself.” 

“We can’t be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.” 

 

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!” 

 

Here’s to new beginnings — unwritten books, bigger ponds and the beauty of flight — and all the growth and learning that you can stand in 2013 — and then a little more!